Single Parents Stir Up the Love Pot

I sit at the wooden table of Haley’s Honey Meadery in what appears to be a quaint, dusty ghost village in downtown Hopewell, Virginia. I choke down clotted cream and coffee mead waiting anxiously. I begin to shuffle through the coffee-stained craft paper in the 3x4 leather bound journal that loyally follows me to every stage I perform stand-up on. It is almost my turn to perform.

Is he going to be here?

Suddenly, Landon whips through the side doors to the right of the small stage area. My heart becomes a valley of galloping stallions. His reddish-brown hair and tan freckly skin are sweaty from the late-afternoon June sun. Giddy energy bounces from him to me as he sits at our table.

Just as I ask him how he is doing, I hear:

“Let’s bring up to the stage, Heather Kilburn!”

Oh no, I think. I wanted to see him so badly, now I could bomb in front of him. What if he hears my material and concludes I am crazy? What if my trauma turned into jokes scares him away? I rush nervously to the stage. As I grab the mic, I look at a fiery red-headed elf in human form sitting next to Landon for reassurance.

She was his sister Farrin, my best friend. As I spit out my best ten minutes of material, my nerves begin to settle into place.

When I finish, my eyes become brave enough to connect with him. Landon’s face resembles a boy who just unwrapped the drum set he had begged Santa for all year.

I walk up to him and his sister.

“You were amazing,” he tells me shyly.

“Oh gee. Thanks.”

I blush. I guess I didn’t scare him away.

We walk outside together for a private moment.

“Are you okay? I heard you broke up with your girlfriend.” I ask Landon.

“Yes, I’m relieved. I still care about her, but I’ve wanted to do this for a long time.” He responds.

Two years before, I had seen Landon for the first time in the dining room of his and Farrin’s parents’ house. We were all getting ready for the renaissance fair. All I knew about him was he was a single dad of three kids. I remember sharing a joke and laughing with him for 30 seconds. I met his kids and right away knew they would get along with mine. I felt like they were going to play an important role in my life. Then I remembered he had a girlfriend. I was fresh out of an abusive marriage. I had to sweep the notion to the side. Then I saw him last weekend.

We were both visiting his parents’ house, both refugees needing to feel safe from the pressures of the world. Farrin and Landon’s Dad had helped me move from my abusive ex’s home. Their mom held healing art nights monthly. Their home became my haven. We kept stealing stares, smiles and laughs that weekend. I felt drawn to him, more than ever. I knew he had endured a painful divorce, like my own. But he still had a girlfriend, and I thought I had become content in singledom.

Later that warm summer night Farrin and I sat on the patio couch on the front porch.

“I think I have a crush on your brother,” I confessed to Farrin on the porch that weekend.

“He’s not in a happy relationship,” she responded. “Who knows what will happen?”

The following Friday, Farrin asked if I wanted to sleep at her brother’s since I was booked on two shows there this weekend. Was this intruding? Was this wrong? I had to ask myself. He had just ended a relationship and clearly, I was attracted to him.

You know, I thought, life is short and sometimes you need to see where it takes you.

I think these conflicting thoughts as Farrin and I follow the GPS back to his house after the show. Gulp.

It is later in the evening. The fireflies subtly glow to attract mates in the silhouetted woods line. The crickets chirp their best June night mating songs. “Let Go of your Plans” plays gently on Farrin’s well-loved JBL speaker for the humans. She lays peacefully in the blue and green striped hammock and sways to the music. Landon and I sit back-to-back on a rectangular wooden rope swing that he made for his children. I can feel him slowly scoot back until I feel his warm, sweaty back pressing mine. Is that on purpose? The moon shines brightly through the pink flowers and green leaves of the Mimosa tree. This moment feels safe and magical.

Does he feel the same?

When the crickets begin to quiet their song, our stiffened legs stretch onto the backyard grass. We sleepily trudge back into his Cape Cod. He takes a left into his bedroom. Farrin and I walk up the steep wooden stairs and crawl into the purple LED-lit kid’s loft. She lays diagonally because her legs are too long.

“You look like I mermaid!” I exclaim, out of breath from wheezing through belly laughs.

Farrin starts to giggle with me. We couldn’t stop laughing.

I want Landon to be a part of this.

“Maybe you should ask your brother if he wants to come up here and laugh.” I suggest.

“I texted him. He said he’s too tired.”

She is oblivious. She knows I have a crush. She has no idea about the love pot-stirring in my heart. Maybe neither does he. It’s probably too soon. A few days ago, I wasn’t ready.

Then why do I feel this way? I ponder this until I fall asleep.